Why Crying Is Healthy: Busting 6 False Myths About Crying
I recently spend some quality time with a friend and she shared with me that the most influential moment of our friendship was when I told her a few years ago that crying is healthy.
She said it was such a game changer for her because instead of fighting the natural urge to cry she let herself fully express and felt incredibly relieved afterwards. She also said that now when other friends tell her that they feel bad about having cried she almost can't believe it because this idea seems so foreign to her.
I said, really? People still think that crying is bad? She said yes, unfortunately, many still do. So, I’d like to take a moment and bust the many false myths surrounding crying:
Myth 1: Crying keeps you stuck in pain
When it comes to crying people think that expressing in this way will get you stuck in a downward spiral. Nothing could be further from the truth. Crying is a completely natural release mechanism of your body and is designed to help you move through emotional experiences in order to let go of grief, sadness, pain and confusion. Stopping yourself from crying and holding it all in is actually what makes you stuck because it stops the natural processing of emotional energy.
“When I do deeper emotional work with clients we always discover what I call the ‘sea of sadness’ which simply means a feeling of vast, deep sadness & grief. This sea of sadness needs to be drained on a regular basis, otherwise it flows over and creates problems for us. ”
When I do deeper emotional work with clients we always discover what I call the ‘sea of sadness’ which simply means a feeling of vast, deep sadness & grief. I’ve never met a person that does not have this within them. This is completely normal because we live in intense times. But the sea of sadness needs to be drained on a regular basis, otherwise it flows over and creates problems for us.
If we refuse to feel our emotions we get lost
Furthermore, emotions have the clear purpose of telling us if we are on the right path - and if we refuse to feel and express our emotions we get lost. Often, people who are super stuck need a good cry in order to finally move on with their life. Similarly, many successful people who are movers and shakers and who are really flowing with life cry on a regular basis because they know that it allows them to consistently progress. Emotions are energy and crying is one of those tools to keep the energy flowing and - as all the ancient health systems like Chinese medicine or Aryuveda have known - stuck energy is what makes us sick and creates problems in our lives.
Myth 2: Once you start crying, you’ll never stop
Today, because we live in such an emotionally unaware society, it's beneficial to look at children if we want to understand more about how emotions would naturally flow hadn’t we been socialised out of it. Most children cry several times per day or per week. This type of crying usually doesn't take long, only a few minutes.
When the child is allowed to naturally express, the crying comes to an organic end and afterwards the child usually either calmly plays or maybe even smiles and laughs. This is the natural progression of emotions. Crying is designed to help you express and process and then your system moves to more comfortable and even joyful states of emotions.
Crying has a natural end point
There are some people who are terrified of crying because they believe that once they start it will never stop. This is usually the case when in childhood their parents would always stop them before the crying came to its natural end point. And so, because the child could never experience the organic ending of a cry, it believes that if someone doesn't artificially stop it, it will go on forever. As we can see the parent’s fear of sadness or their ignorance in regards to emotions has created a false narrative around sadness.
So, if you have the fear that if you let yourself cry it will never stop, I can assure you that it is just a belief and not actual fact. You will always stop crying but of course if something really devastating has happened, for example losing a loved one, the crying might go on for a long time. But when we talk about just a daily experience of sadness, overwhelm or stress, the crying usually just lasts a few minutes – but those few minutes are precious, because afterwards you will feel so much better!
Myth 3: Crying makes you a sad person
I've been doing emotional work now for over five years and my emotions have returned to an almost natural state, similarly to that of a child (however, the important distinction is that I’m conscious of my emotions, which is is crucial if we want to develop emotional maturity). So what this means is that I cry several times a week, sometimes daily, depending on what's going on in my life. The crying is similarly to a child, usually around 2 to 10 minutes and the more I let myself go fully into it, the better I feel afterwards.
This attitude towards crying has allowed me to shed many layers of trauma and pain that I was carrying around for many decades. These old unhealed wounds felt like a heavy coat that was weighing me down and robbing me of precious life energy. Crying is designed to help you release this heavy pain and that's one of the reasons why I'm such an advocate for expressing emotions. Can you imagine how thick the unexpressed emotion coat of an average person is?
Many people who cry often are also very happy
- Typical me (on the right), shining like the sun -
Furthermore, the frequency of my crying doesn’t make me a sad person. I've always been someone with intense emotions, meaning that my highs are high and my lows are low. But my base personality is quite joyful and many even describe me as "shining like the sun ".
Also, when I sometimes have an emotionally numb day, when I feel slightly annoyed and/or anxious or I’m just feeling generally unalive, a good cry is often what shifts my emotional state into joy, radiance and playfulness. So, crying can be the key for me to access the higher emotional states that I’m capable of. Would you not rather cry for a few minutes followed by hours of excitement and laughter than to experience a whole day off numbed out okayishness?
If you’re still on to fence to this watch my Youtube video: Crying is healthy: How Crying Helps You Process Emotions:
Myth 4: Crying means there is something terribly wrong
Your emotional channels are one and the same for uncomfortable and comfortable emotions, meaning that if you suppress anger, fear and sadness unfortunately you will be less able to feel joy, gratitude and love as well. But we are not meant to live in a flatlined state. We are also not meant to constantly just feel exhilarated. Contrast is what we have signed up for here on Earth. It's what makes us grow. And I know that for many of you who are overwhelmed by negative emotions this might sound unbelievable but we couldn't even perceive joy if we didn't know what sorrow was.
So, what this means is that when you are allowing yourself to express through crying you are clearing your emotional channels, meaning that also positive emotions flow more easily. And what it really comes down to is actually aliveness. Once you do more emotional work you will actually realise that your emotions are like a buffet and that even so-called negative emotions can feel pleasurable!
Bittersweet sadness can be enjoyable
Maybe you have experienced that sometimes sadness can feel bittersweet. This is not to downplay any hardship, just to give you an idea of the nuance that can be experienced when we do deeper emotional work. After shedding layers and layers of trauma I'm at this point now where aliveness Is what I'm truly craving because I'm not focused anymore on avoiding pain at all costs and my nervous system is equipped to deal with more intense emotions.
And sadness can even be enjoyed in doses. At some point in our journey my husband and I created a practice which we called the Melancholic afternoon. This was a rainy afternoon spent drinking tea, listening to sad music and enjoying this part of our dualistic experience - melancholy and the sensations that went along with it. Sadness loses its power and overwhelm if you let it be and even enjoy the bittersweetness of it.
- Sometimes my husband and I enjoy the bittersweet feelings of sadness -
Myth 5: Crying makes you weak and is unmanly
Another important point to understand is that crying does not make you a weak person. This is especially important for men. Crying does not mean that you are giving up. Crying also doesn't mean that you can't help yourself. It only means that you have experienced something that makes you deeply sad – which means you are a breathing, feeling human being with a heart. And a heart is so important in today's world.
For the men I want to add here as well that you don't have to cry like a woman. Of course it's beautiful that many men today get more in touch with their feminine side and if this is something that you are doing that's wonderful. But even then the feminine side of a man is different from being a woman. Crying will still be inherently masculine for you. And in order to be a man of integrity, a man who is capable of leading and making wise decisions not only for himself but for the people he loves and for who he is responsible, it is utterly important that this man is deeply connected with his heart.
This topic is very important because giving men permission to be soft is very trendy in the mental health field right now, however, there is a danger of men becoming too soft. The problem with men who become too soft is that they lack the quality of the warrior, which essentially grinds down on their ability to stand up for themselves and also to protect the ones they love. That’s why I’m teaching a way for men to get in touch with their emotions, express them and get out of stuckness without becoming weak in my free online course “Warrior’s Cry”. And as my husband and I always say emotional work is often an incredibly tough experience, and therefore inherently masculine!
Myth 6: Crying makes you sick
And lastly, I wanted to to talk about the dangers of stuck emotional energy. The research here is still in its infant stages but already we can see that emotions play a far bigger role in physical diseases that we ever thought possible. Basically, there is a clear correlation between certain types of diseases and emotional patterns. I think this will be a huge field of research in the future because through taking care of our emotional health we can actually prevent diseases. So instead of crying making you sick it is the often the lack therefore (and subsequent stuck emotional energy) which creates actual physical ailments.
I can attest to this from my own life experiences, because I used to be a very sickly child although my parents took utmost care with only buying the best organic food and keeping my diet mostly free of sugar and additives. We also lived in a calm German village where the air quality and exposure to any kind of toxins was minimal. Still, I had asthma, several allergies, I was constantly sick with flu and had all the children's diseases you could get. When I was a teenager I constantly had throat infections and headaches, I broke several bones, my nose was constantly running and I just wasn't well.
Everything changed when my emotions changed
Everything changed when I had huge shifts in my emotional state. The biggest one was when I met my now husband five years ago - the feeling of emotional safety he gave me was a completely new experience for me. Since then I have invested a lot of time in different therapeutic methods and emotional healing techniques, plus working on creating healthy relationships with my family and friends.
Now I'm one of the healthiest people I know
I rarely get the flu, maybe once a year for a few days. I can't even remember the last time I saw a doctor. I have no aches or pains, I rarely get headaches, I am much fitter and stronger and vital looking than when I was 20 years old. Of course I’m also making sure to exercise lots, have a healthy diet and take daily cold showers. To me now it is apparent how our emotional and physical health are connected as we are one system and not separated into a different departments – mental, emotional, physical, spiritual are always interlinked.
When I see someone struggling with the physical ailment now I always look for the emotional component and it is always there. I have done so much emotional work with myself and clients that I can read people very well and I know usually after only a short period of time what the underlying problems are.
Letting Yourself Cry Has Major Positive Benefits
So I encourage you, if crying feels really uncomfortable for you, think about the benefits of emotional release that will help you even on a physical level. But of course it's not just about expressing our emotions but then also to change our life accordingly, so that we naturally experience more positive emotions. Our emotions are our inner compass that will let us know if we are on the wrong path and emotional release mechanisms shouldn’t be used to stay on a path that is unhealthy for us!
So I hope this inspires you to look at crying through a new lens, to understand deeply that crying doesn't make you weak but instead is a gift that you’ve been given by your incredibly wise body and consciousness to help you move through intense experiences and progress to a life that is in alignment with your higher purpose!
And if you need help with this, book a coaching session - I can show you how to reconnect with your emotions in order to feel better, heal deeper wounds from the past and create amazing relationships!
Feel strong emotions like a warrior:
In my free online training “Warrior’s Cry” you’ll learn how to process deep emotions and come out the other side stronger and more resilient!
